From Games, General, Musings, Tips/Advice

New Slot Machines I’d Like to See

Lucky cherries...why not lucky lawyers or smoke monsters?  (Photo courtesy of Lisa Brewster,

Lucky cherries...why not lucky lawyers or smoke monsters? (Photo courtesy of Lisa Brewster,

I think being a slot machine inventor, game developer, whatever you want to call it, would be one of the coolest jobs on the planet.  I want to be the person who decides that the cherry gets to be the lucky fruit.  Sorry apples, pears and pomegranates…move back to the bowl because you just don’t cut it.  Triple diamonds, blazing 7’s, weird Slingo™ dude and even you, Monty Hall –  yep, you’re all in.  But “Chainsaws & Toasters®?”  What kind of weird nightmare did the person have before coming up with that game?

So, if that game made it through the vetting process, why not some of these?

Magic Ex-Wife –– Get five lawyers in a row to go to the bonus round where the machine takes all your credits and your dog.  Sorry, there’s no winning this one.

Deal or My Ex-Husband — Get three sheets of drywall and five unopened cans of paint in a row for your trip to the bonus round and the chance to finally finish that bathroom remodel.  Unfortunately, the reels just keep spinning and spinning and spinning….

Hamburger Heavens – Spin for burgers, shakes and fries for small wins or hit the big jackpot when five counter employees all show up in a row.  Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Lost, The Slot Machine – First you think you have to get five wrecked planes to line up but then that doesn’t pay off so you get four smoke monsters in a row and again nothing happens so you keep spinning until you get five disappearing islands scattered on the reels and then the machine jumps the shark and sinks into the casino floor.  For the bonus round, you spin then wait a really long time and come back in January to collect your winnings.

“24” – Legend of Jack Bauer – Winning combinations include five nuclear bombs, three imploded buildings, six mangled cars, four long-suffering women, and twenty-seven instruments of torture.  In the bonus round, you get the chance to save Jack’s daughter, Kim, again and again and again until the machine finally explodes and you’re sent to a work camp in some un-named country.

Bail-Out Triple Double $700 Billion Mania – Just line up five banks in a row and you win General Motors.  No, really, you get the whole company.  That’s your prize.  No, you can’t spin again for the toaster.

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  1. Katarina K. Says:

    I’m still a big fan of Wheel of Fortune – won a thousand bucks on the machine the first time I ever gambled on my first trip to Vegas. It has a very special place in my heart. Magic Ex-Wife sounds pretty fun, too. 😉

    I keep hearing all this info about the new casino opening up at Kyrene and the 202…little too close to my home. Could be dangerous!

  2. C.C. Royal Says:

    I like Wheel of Fortune, too. One of my all-time favs although I haven’t won as much on it as you did — $1 grand, cha-ching.

    That new AZ casino really will be cool. The Gila River at Lone Butte is going to have a lot of fun gaming plus six restaurants including the high-end Verona Chophouse. Should make for a good evening out.

    Thanks for commenting.

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